Good day, history lovers.
As a historian, nothing excites me more than making a brand-new historical discovery. Not even seeing a lady naked excites me quite as much as history. Unless, of course, the lady in question has history all over her tits.
Anyway, I thought I'd had my fair share of excitement recently, what with rediscovering the journals of Lord Likely. But no, dear reader, there was more history-based excitement to come.
Today, while attending a police auction in the vain hope of buying a new sweater for a dirt-cheap price, (they tend to be very reasonably priced at these events, more so if they are bloodstained) I chanced upon an old chest of drawers going for a mere three pounds and fifty pence.
As I needed a new set of drawers to store my ever-increasing collection of blood-stained jumpers, I bid for the item, and happily won the auction. This alone would have caused today to have been marked as A Very Good Day Indeed, but more was to come.
When I got the drawers home, I found that they had not even been cleared out by their previous owner. Inside, I found a selection of playing cards, some A4 lined paper, a copy of Lovely Jubblies magazine and then...The Item.
My hands trembled as I removed a selection of files, labelled as the property of 'The Federal Marshall's Office'. And they were dated...1856, the same year as the journals of Lord Likely. Good heavens!
I sat down and perused the files, and saw history unfold before my very eyeballs. The files contained the reports of one Sheriff Justice J. Lawman, covering in great detail his dealings with a renowned fugitive called... Lightnin' Lance Likely.
My eyes widened, my penis stiffened. Another Likely? Who was this man? Was this man a relative of the aristocratic adventurer, Lord Likely? Or did he just share the same surname? So many questions!
My findings on this subject remain inconclusive at the time of writing, but I continue to try and solve this historical puzzle. In the meantime, I shall leave you to draw your own conclusions, as I very proudly publish these articles on the interweb for you to read and enjoy.
The Wild World of Lightnin' Lance Likely is online now. Be sure to ride on over, and take a look. I am going to have a bit of a lie-down.
Good-bye!
- Julian Syngen-Smythe.
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2 comments:
You are so absolutely arse-clean-wipingly lucky, Julian! First the Lively Diaries, and now this.
When I think of the hours (days!) I have spent in my life looking through smelly charity shops or buying up tat at auction rooms, all in the hope of finding an historical treasure - but never with any result.
Now, you go and find another bloody brilliant diary. You lucky, lucky sod.
Sometimes I think I have an innate 'History Sense', much like Spider-Man's 'Spider Sense', but with history.
Then I realise that such a notion is absurd, and go for a lie down.
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